Currently Listening to: Inspired Flight – Wonderwall Remix
It’s not so much that I’ve dealt with a lot of death in my life, to compare my life of privilege with someone who deals with death in a much more overt and consistent basis is unfair. I’ve been blessed when it comes to dealing with death — my life’s been so shielded that the impact death has had on me is much more nuanced than what it had the potential to be. I was young when my father died, and because I can’t remember what he looks like or what his voice sounds like, it means that I can’t be hurt by the memory of him. I’ve never been close to relatives and their deaths barely impact me, and I’ve never had to deal with a close friend’s funeral. But what death did this week… it ripped any semblance I have of an extended family and it put me in an emotional position where I had uncharacteristically exploded onto someone I truly care about.
What death did this week was kill an entire generation’s promise and hope.
I’m not the biggest Apple fan, I don’t use iTunes (my loyalty to Winamp knows no bounds), I’ve always preferred Cowan products, and I’m so comfortable with PC’s that I stick with them through their myriad of problems. In fact the only Apple product I’ve ever used was a hand-me-down iPod after my Cowan of 5 years finally deteriorated past a point of no return. But the products I’ve used all benefited from Apple’s call for competition. Apple didn’t simply represent the future, with Jobs as a prophet, instead it is the company that pioneered it, with Jobs forging the light. iTunes revolutionized the music industry, the iPod the way we listen to that revolution, and the MAC the way we securely obtain it. What Jobs did wasn’t unite a bunch of tech geeks with the common man, he single-handedly put in a system of checks to balance out all major competitors. Why else would we all have a touchscreen on our phones? Why else would Windows 8 look so drastically different? If the late 90′s/early 00′s represented the monopolization of Silicon Valley, the decade following marked a period of incredible competitive harmony. Instead of relying on in-house developers (talented in their own right), Apple recognized the ingenuity of its consumer, and opened up an app market for third parties to innovate. Innovate. It’s the first word that comes to mind with Jobs, but what he did was so much more. Balance. Connect.
Motivate. Back in 2005, Jobs spoke at Stanford’s Commencement, and in it he focused on three themes. Connecting the Dots, Love and Loss, and Death. This may be the most viewed speech in the last 6 hours, but I would have never seen it if Job’s hadn’t passed. While my thoughts go out to Job’s family and friends tonight, his death lead me to his words of wisdom, and it’s what’s guiding me tonight. In essence, the three points talk about pursuing passion and are all interconnected, but I want to use them to analyze three different parts of my life.
Connecting the Dots – A lot of what I do at school I question. I’m lucky enough to take classes I want to take, but not sure if I should take. I always wonder if I should have majored in something else, or tried harder to work in another industry, but I’ve never had to question my passion. While I’m not sure my passion extends to Jobs’ passion for his work, I know that what I want and what society wants me to be may not always be aligned. This time of year is possibly one of the most troubled in any person’s career, a college senior has to look at the rest of his life and consider what he wants to do. While I don’t know what my distinct passion will be, I know now that I must never settle and that if I find something I truly, passionately love that I have to stick with it. One day, I’ll look back on this and say that my path was so clear , even though it’s so murky now
Love and Loss - That I have to stick with it. This is hard because I haven’t been in love in a long time. This sucks for me to admit, but I fell in love with a girl who, quite simply, didn’t reciprocate. I couldn’t wait to hear her voice again, I loved it when she texted, messaged, confided in me, and that she was the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing I remembered before falling asleep. When she smiled, the room went bare and everything was okay. I know that’s love. That’s what I want, and I’ve lost because I can’t have that. At least not yet. This isn’t the first time I’ve fallen in love and it’s not going to be the last. I can’t help but question what I’ll earn from this, all it gave me was a broken heart and an anger to boot. Not to mention scores of burned bridges. I mean just dozens up dozens of ruined crossings. It’s hard, but I’ve got to move on, so I will.
Death – I will because I have to start living every day like it’s my last. If God exists, he’s definitely sending me a message. There’s been way too much death in my life these last couple of weeks. Tomorrow marks the 17th anniversary of my father’s death, which I’d only remember if I followed my friend’s parent’s death, which was only exacerbated by my uncle’s death, which would only be nationally relevant/in the minds of otherws with Steve Jobs’ death. Death. Just a lot of death. And I could be next. I’ve got to start focusing, finding what I want out of life and making sure I make the most of it.
Tomorrow is a new day. In a lot of way, its marks the end. I’m going to go visit my father and all I can hope is that if he were alive, he wouldn’t be too disappointed in me, but it’s a new day. I’m moving on, more hungry, more foolish. I’m stronger because of today, and I’m stronger because I mourn, and I live.
