To teach a bunch and to learn a whole bunch more.

Currently Listening to: 許茹芸 – 一有爱就走吧

This is part two (probably of a two part, potentially three part) of my TAF appreciation.  The first one was dedicated to JH  staff and can be located here.

It’s weird because I can’t tell what TAF did to change me.  I just know I changed.  Maybe I’ve become less goal orientated, and now am just more focused on the experience.  I used to think my goals were just and legit and that I had to achieve them, ignoring everything else around me.  I take that back;  I still do think they’re legit.  Now, I just think how I reach those goals is more important.  I also know that I’m more “bipartisan?” or introspective now;  I can better understand where people are coming from and why they do things.  At least I think I do.  I also realize that TAF will only carry me so far, because the world around me is already trying to pull me down.  TAF really is a magical world where you fly up to a beautiful castle in the sky.

I was tempted to start by saying that people at TAF all put up a facade of happiness and joy.  But the more I think about, the more authentic these people are.  We are a victim to our environment and TAF just happens to let us be ourselves.  Too many times I’m drawn into Social Contract theory or watching the world corrode itself away that I forget that human nature, at its very core, is and always will be good.  Okay so there are exceptions, but I mean they’re rare.  TAF doesn’t force people to put on a mask, it allows them to take off the mask the world forces on them.  That’s why I’m eternally grateful.

–

I am thoroughly amazed by each and every JH camper who sat through TAF this year.  As a counselor one is supposed to teach, guide, and… well… babysit these kids for a week but none of that was truly necessary.  They all understood complex and intangible ideas perfectly; not only that they remembered it after the week was over.  It’s one thing to understand something, but to remember it and keep it within your personal values as a junior high student?  That’s a whole different story.  Their maturity and comprehension for tough topics was astonishing, not to mention that they were willing to listen and understood the tone of each moment perfectly.  I could take that and say that I/we are bomb counselors, but I honestly don’t think that’s the case.  I truly believe that these kids are extremely talented and special.

I promised the Turkey Subs an epic note and letter, but I’ve run it through a couple times in my head and written out a few rough drafts (that’s why it’s taken so long) and they all seem underwhelming.  Instead I think I’ll just do what I did for the JH staff and write blatantly and openly from the heart.

This might be a little long, so do me a favor and do a little smurf dance before you read.  Thanks :]

CINCO

Ada – I have so many bruises on my shins right now, its not even funny.  That’s just intolerable cruelty.  First, I’d like to say that you better come back next year.  If you don’t my shins will heal and there won’t be anyone to hurt them, which is unacceptable.  I’d like to think that you had at least a little fun?  (at least it seemed like you had a lot of fun!)  I mean I don’t see why anyone WOULDN’T want to come back right?  At the very least, I’ll always be here if you need someone to talk to or want to vent or something.  Okay, so maybe sometimes I only ACT like I’m listening, but for you I’ll make an exception.

You absorb everything around you like a sponge, and nothing leaks.  I think Roger and all the counselors threw things at all the campers one after another  and you never budged.  Some people spaced out or lost focus, but never you.  Plus you always do it with a smile on your face… sometimes I worry that you or Ellery aren’t having fun because its your first year and an experience like TAF could be kind of intimidating, but you just flash that smile and everything seems okay… I guess that’s why I was super surprised when you said you might not want to come back next year.

The moral of the story is simple. Come back next year.  If you don’t I will be thoroughly disappointed.  Okay? Okay.  come back. Okay.

Kevin – Waddup Kev.  It’s the same as the first day man, I still dig your name.  We might have different views on certain things, but its awesome that we connected on so many things.  If your parents ever tell you not to play video games or read less mangas, tell them that video games or drawing is your passion and drive.  I think your art and creativity will take you places that I can only dream of going to.  You already have your influences, your motivations, and your talent… now all it takes is practice and practice and practice.  Never lose that drive and never lose that passion.

When we had our first small group meeting, I was really worried that you were being forced here by your parents and that you weren’t having fun.  As time grew and I got to know you a little better, I was more confident and comfortable in thinking that you wanted to be at TAF and that it was a good fit for you.  It was awesome to see you grow over a short week and I can’t wait to see how much you’ve grown over the next 51 weeks.

Dorothy – OH HEY ERIN FROM HAWAII?  WHAT’S UP?  I hear Hawaii is super nice nowadays… I should totally visit you and your sister there some time.  It’d be super fun!  In all seriousness, there are so many things I wish we could’ve talked about.  I know sitting in small group that sometimes you just wanted to let something off your shoulders or let something all out and I would turn away and really wouldn’t let you.  I was kind of selfish and I wanted to touch on other topics but you handled it really maturely.  That’s what amazes me about you; your spiritual and emotional maturity and depth.  I think you go through a lot and deal with it in ways I didn’t even think feasible when I was your age.

But I mean that’s not it.  You love to have fun, you’re easy to get along with, and it just been an experience hanging out with you.  Even if you do sometimes flirt with the line of offensive and funny (those california jokes were hurtful).  Rah rah rah.  Stay cool.  Stay good to your friends (and your sister… I didn’t know you two were related until like.. that last sunday.)

Willy – WILLY WILLLY WILLY willy WILLLYYYY willy?  WILLY? WiLlLY!!1!! YEAH WILLY!  *does the willy dance*  WHATS GOOD DEL MAR?  Hope you’re soaking up the sun and getting ready for school.  You are awesome in every single way.  From that tuxedo shirt to your crazy little antics, it just an experience within itself hanging out with you, and just hanging out with you made going to TAF worth it.  You were the young’un in our group but you got along with everyone so well.  At times I hoped that you would talk and participate a little more, but I mean you are so freaking young!  Still, you know when to sit and listen, you respect others when they speak, and you never zone off or complain when we’re sitting in small groups.  That speaks a lot about you and your maturity.  Plus, you’re quite the ladies man, and that makes me proud little man.

Tiffany – I’m sort of blanking out, but when did you land?  Did you land on saturday and hang out with the staff?  If so, I think I techincally spent more time with you than anyone at TAF except for Karen (who I rode to Manchester College with, and hung out with at the terminal).  You’re a tough one, because sometimes I felt like you were more watching and observing; which is totally awesome, but I never really got to truly talk with you.  You’re defintely the most mature one in our group though (I think that’s a compliment, its supposed to be one) and you really understand everything Roger and the counselors throw at you.  I dig how you made a conscious effort to hang out with us though (say at meals, or during free time), it was pretty fantastic to have you around when we were forced into our little small groups.  You always seemed to answer questions when others were hesitant to and really shared.  It made our jobs as counselors easier, because we all hate awkward silences, or making you guys answer with awkward silences.  We wanted it to be natural, smooth, and flowing, which you helped do.  It is SO AWESOME for a facilitator or counselor or advisor to just have someone in that group.  You were that person. THANKS FOR THAT!

Reggie – If you had facebook, you’d see that you are the focal point of my profile pic right now.  That’s how awesome you are.  I have no idea how that represents how awesome you are, I just really like the picture.  But you’re bombdiggitytastic.  It’s just been a blast hanging out with you during TAF.  You absorb everything like a sponge and then throw it right back at Jessica and me.  We just go like, YES! WE HAVE A CAMPER WHO UNDERSTANDS WHAT ROGER AND WE ARE TALKING ABOUT! Plus, you’re just fun to have around.  I WANTED to eat all my meals with you Josh and Willy.  When I had to go eat with other people, it was just like “Oh wow, this kind of sucks right now.”  I just remember all those salted mountain dews and salads, and then screaming at the Jello, that was pretty bomb.  Reg, you just bring a such a big and uplifting spirit into our small group and all of our lives.  Keep on  having fun.  Keep on pushing.  Just remember to take off the bags that might be weighing you down… and always do it for yourself (without being selfish of course) and I know everything will turn out okay.  YOU. ARE. AWESOME.

Ellery – So I know I owe you a 17 page thing, but we’re going have to put that on hiatus.  More because I think the longest paper I’ve ever written was 17 pages and that thing took like 2 weeks to research and write, but also because I don’t know how to measure 17 pages while blogging.  Seventeen.  What funny number/word to say.  Just say it out loud right now.  Seventeen.  SEVEN. TEEN. SEVENTEEN. sev-en-teen. teenseven. seventeen. 7teen.  neetneves.  (<— LOL NEETNEVES!) oneseven. I think i wrote seventeen seventeen times.  Nope not yet, two more.  Like seventeen minus fifteen.  SEVENTEEN.  Okay i’m done.

Oh why, hello Ellery.  I remember first seeing your name and telling Jessica how I thought we had the most awesome camper because it rhymed with celery.  We were right on both parts.  You brought a really unique vision and insight into our small group.  I think you grew up in a different environment then a lot of us (it seems like you have a really stable family, which is a great, great thing.  Hold on to that) so you had a really positive outlook on life.  I really dig that.  I love ‘glass half full’ people who love to have fun, can always smile, make friends quickly, and fit right in.  It sort of helps that you and Colleena are two peas in a pod, and I loved that you had kept your friends super close and brought new friends into your circle.  I dunno what else.  I had seventeen pages planned, but what keeps popping back is just seeing you having so much fun during swing choir.  Whether it was practicing or just teaching some of the moves to some of the boys.  It was something you were really good at and you seemed to really enjoy it.  It’s been awesome getting to know you and hanging out with you.  Let’s just say we’re at 12 pages, and that we have 5 + however many for next year.  Until then!

Turkey subs. Yeah, we're that delicious. and nutritious.

To wrap it all up just a couple of shout outs.  Bob Lin and HoChie for being awesome.  Dave Chiou for making it possible for me to come.  Justin for introducing me to TAF.   John D. for your advice on our walk to the final dance.  Steve and Grace for your advice on that first Sunday night.  Karen for just being so easy to talk to during our ride to the airport and sitting in the terminal.  Christina Chou for being cool like the other side of the pillow.  Jon Lee for being too cool for school.  Godwin for the props on our revenge prank (I don’t think you know me though. hah)  Ming and Emily for keeping on top of sib letters and just being awesome people to work with.  That handshake was seriously underappreciated by the campers.  It was Michael Phelps status.  Andrew Lo for showing just how dedicated I should be to TAF.  What you did with exams and all is just admirable.  Connie for getting me out of dancing and having those deep convos.  Andrew Kuo for being the first person I talked to at Manchester.  TAFmedia for just chronicling everything and connecting with everyone.  TO ALL THE JH KIDS.  I have some particulars, you guys all gave me some unique memory but I’m doing this on the top of my head and can’t really remember.  Jennifer, because now I will remember your name.   Angela Shiue because you rock bomb sweaters that are 3x too big for you.  Andrew for being bomb at soccer.  Raymond for being the only who guessed right for when we were introducing staff with the two clues.  Eric for being awesome at guitar.  Jesse for being so sexy in Project Tafway.  Josh for being too big for a sixth/seventh grader.  Jarrell for that moment in the beginning during swing choir.  Colleena for making sure I remember who you are in my yearbook, and your entire suite for making ramen with bathtub water. gross.  Mitchell for that awesome catch on the football field.  Justin and Jeff for really participating during the Parent JH dialogue, they were good questions and I hope you guys manage to deal with your parents.  ALL THE JH KIDS.

I probably forgot a lot of people. sorry.

To share Jay Smooth’s thoughts on Racial Crossroads

Currently Listening to:School Food Punishment – futuristic imagination

When I first started to really get into hip hop late Junior year of HS, one of the few people I started following was Jay Smooth and his website.  This video was basically going to be the response I planned on writing after finals to the new Claremont Independent editorial. Lookit here. In a “Post”-Obama world, people seem to overlook race, and we’re in a “Post-Racial” world where those who do seem to try to tackle race or social issues are “self-segregating” or “reverse racists”.     I don’t think people are racist to prove that they aren’t racist (wtf?), but I do think people are trying to overlook race because they honestly think it doesn’t matter anymore, whereas… it does

Racialicious, the smartest blog on issues of race, on Asher Roth.  I’m going to reserve my comments on him right now.  By the way,  Bread Aisle wasn’t a bad album, but it wasn’t good either.

To address the issue of “Diversity” part II

Currently Listening to: Ne-Yo – Go On Girl

I dedicate way too much time to this subject, and to CJ, who always seems to be at the center of controversy.  I don’t want to say its because he enjoys the attention or its just of his nature, that’s unfair, but through private e-mail conversations and discussions with him, while I do attempt to keep it passive and friendly, I can’t help but find his remarks and comments to be antagonistic and patronizing.  I don’t mind it in the sense that I understand where he’s coming from and it’s a subject he’s very passionate about, I am passionate about the subject as well.  But I think the best way to approach conflicts in ideology and such, is to do it much in the say way Jon Stewart approaches some of his interviews.  I source back to his interview with Jim Cramer or even the one last night with Cliff May, where Stewart very much shows his disgust and a bit of his ego, but still ends on very friendly terms.  I can’t help but feel that everyone who disagrees with CJ has to become his enemy or hated rival because that’s seemingly been his mindset or experience;  and I hesitate to use that label of enemy or hate  because I genuinely think he’s a very bright, and friendly person who just happens to have different political and social opinions from myself.  I think sitting through the panel last night, Ilan Wurman was much more receptive to discourse and conflicting ideologies, and did not attempt to put down those who disagreed with him.  He didn’t take any remarks to be an “attack” on CI, which I believe no one tried to do.  It was a genuine joy to listen to Ilan speak, despite some over generalizations (Diversity groups do not aim for a color blind world, for example), and he is a very charming and bright person.

Now I’m telling you to take the comments I just made with a grain of salt.  I really do think its unfair and a bit of an exaggeration, but that being said, I also think many people have far worse opinions of CJ there’s a reason for that as well.

I start the post that way because of the following post in the Claremont Conservative, which is very biased and antagonistic in nature (that’s fair, its a blog and is very much partial in its purpose).  I know parts of my last post address some of the issues presented, but that post was written before the one on the CC was published.  Anyway, I’ve shared this post with some people and they had a bunch of really mean things to say and I want to set up a framework where we stay from bashing the author or understand that I do not mean to bash the author (If it does seem that way).  I just want to point out contradictions and inconsistencies.

Now I know many people told me not to do this, because it adds fuel to the fire, whatever.  As APAM head, I am obligated to defend the organization and what we do.

He starts with this interview with the founder of the Black Student Union, who states at one point that “Racism is just a part of being human. Creating a “safe place” is not the solution that I would support. I prefer confronting bigotry, not avoiding it.”  I think that Mr. Doggett has a misinterpretation of what diversity groups do.  We don’t avoid bigotry, but we (save for a handful of radicals) don’t attack it with militancy either.  I think the genuine goal of many diversity groups on campus, and subsequent civil activist groups outside of college campuses, is to increase awareness on social issues like bigotry and racism and deal with them in a peaceful manner.  I also think that its sort of ridiculous to say that the election of Barack Obama represents the end of the “minority victim”.   Minorities do not want to be the victim, but they usually are because of the nature and definition of a minority.   What’s even more ridiculous is that he victimizes himself in his answer to the next question posed by saying that

“As I walked away, many white Republicans looked back at that camera crew in shock. For the first time, they had seen the power and the fury of white liberal racism.Before that confrontation, I had been struggling with the tension between my conservative beliefs and my history of equating Republicans with southern racism.”

Another comment he made which really struck a chord was this.

“Individualism is understanding that there is only one you. Individualism is understanding that only you can figure out what will make you happy. Individualism is respecting yourself enough to insist on leading a life of meaning. Individualism means that no one is a “minority” because no one is a “majority.” Individualism is finding your core values and making sure that you live a life that is true to them.”

I think the problem with that is that it is near impossible to address individualism because we as people want to find parallels and dichotomies.  Good and Evil, Man and Woman, Gay and Straight, Black and White (think about that for a second), and so on.  It’s human nature.  If anything, the Bush Administration reaffirmed dichotomies, otherization, and such and so on (look at post regarding Reza Aslan and his book, which I got but have yet had the time to read).  Even he does it with his  “white liberal racism”.  The problem isn’t individualism, the problem is that people fail to address individualism.  As I wrote in my last post, APAM celebrates more than Asian culture and heritage, it celebrates individualism, it just so happens that we are categorized as Asians by the collective (both by ourselves and by others).  We always say first impressions are important, and that we cannot understand and celebrate the individual without getting to know them.  Well “Asian”, “White”, “Black”, along with “male” “female” and so on are our first impressions (that’s why stereotypes and/or gender roles are so important and devastating).  I think Mr. Doggett reaffirms that.  I mean the reason why those “white liberal racists” made the comments they made was because his skin color (and their associations with such skin color) was all they knew of him.

Moving on,

“Groups like OBSA and CLSA are inherently discriminatory. Ilan, after all, is the child of Israelis and yet he is never invited to APAM event. Technically, speaking, Ilan can lay greater claim to being “Asian” than many of the students who are third or fourth generation American of Asian descent. Indeed, given that I spent my formative years in Dorchester’s Savin Hill, a.k.a. “Little Saigon,” I can make the claim of growing up in a majority Asian neighborhood. My grandfather and (ultra far left) grandfather was an officer that helped resettle Vietnamese refugees at Fort Indiantown Gap and so he is often honored in our neighborhood for his contributions.”

Under the same logic, someone who grew up in a predominately “white” community is now “white”, even if there family was “Asian”.   Under that logic, the majority of Asia America no longer exists, instead they’ve become “white” America, so to speak.  Under that logic, Asia America exists in San Marino, but not Arcadia because that community predominately Latino, it exists in Chinatown SF, but not for that one Asian kid in small town Kansas.   This is such a dumb explanation and it honestly makes me sad that I have to do this.  It isn’t based upon the community you grew up in, but more the family and household you were raised in.  I think if you talk to the Caucasian international students who lived in Japan or China, they still think that they are very AMERICAN and CAUCASIAN, not Asian.  And for the love of Christ, CJ knows he’s a Caucasian conservative straight male.  That being said, a Caucasian person who grew up with Asian parents has the right to join APAM if he has a Asian mentality and I will gladly accept them.   Reading Asian American X, I see the vast differences between Asian children with biological parents and Asian adoptees who grew up with Caucasian parents.  They believed they were white and in most cases, adamantly rejected their Asian heritage.  In the case of Asian American X, many people who went on to college with that mentality embraced and accepted their culture when they hit the college campus (not because they joined some culture club), and were exposed to such cultures.  But I think adopted students have different motivations, mindsets, and psychological reasons for pursuing their culture.  It goes hand in hand with the psychology of adoption, of which I am no expert of but I think we can safely assume that there are some subtle differences in mindset.  To get back on point,  CJ’s parents are not Asian and aren’t culturally Asian, he was not directly influenced, in the sense that it was not in his HOUSE, by the Vietnamese culture.  It’s a misinterpretation of race and the effects of race.

I always say that I’m Asian in America and American in Asia.  People see me as American when I go to Hong Kong or Taiwan, and I feel that constant tick in my head of being “Asian” in America.  By his making those comments, I know for sure that he doesn’t have that same RACIAL tick, he might very well have a tick where he notices everyone else is liberal and so on.  It was interesting, when fellow members of CI came to the ath at near 6:45, Ilan (jokingly?) said something to the extent of, “oh hey, reinforcements.”, much like what minorities do when they see others that look like them.  It was very similar to the minority mentality.  It isn’t an issue of self-confidence, but more an issue of awareness, of realizing that you are part of  the smaller group, and that the collective/majority is not so much AGAINST you but simply DIFFERENT from you.

It’s also a different (and a generally unaccepted) definition of  “Asian”.  I think we can all agree that Israeli and Russian cultural mindsets, traditions, and philosophies are all vastly different from South Asian or East Asian ones.  You can even make the statement that South Asian and East Asians have very different ideologies, but they hold many many similarities, more so than say a Israeli and Chinese mindset.

“Along comes the Asian/Hispanic/Black groups to tell them to join up before they have even met the rest of the campus.  I’ve seen how it works. Oftentimes they make claims like, “we’re the only Asian group on campus, don’t you want to celebrate your culture? Here have some candy!” Then before the semester is even really underway, they decide to have an exclusive, minority-only retreat. It leaves little doubt in incoming students’ minds that APAM, OBSA, and CLSA can lay claim to being the monopoly or repository of all things, “Asian,” “black,” or “Latino/a.” Many, many students have told me that they feel uncomfortable when approached by these groups in the beginning of the school year and that they feel pressured to join them.”

Just no.  I really don’t want to touch on this issue.  APAM is not militant.  We don’t judge, we don’t coerce people into joining, and its a misrepresentation and exaggeration of what APAM does.   If by some lucky case, some student we will undoubtedly approach on friendly and un-coercive term next year reads this, YOU ARE UNDER NO PRESSURE TO JOIN APAM. Milton Kids, lets say APAM is like the Transition Program, but by far less intrusive and runs for the entire year, we’ll send out an e-mail or something before the school year begins, and go and say hi, introducing who we are and what we do and what our goals are, but whether or not you want to join is up to you.  I’ve never heard of a student who felt pressured to attend the Transition Program, nor have I heard of any stories of students who were pressured to that extent to join APAM.  We don’t care if you don’t join APAM, its less planning, less money spent, and a smaller mess for us.  What we care about is missing that student who does want APAM, who does need APAM, but slips through the cracks.

I’ll say this.  I think this fear mongering comes from those who ostracize APAM and otherize APAM.  We try as hard as hell not to outcast ourselves and include ourselves.  We don’t publicly declare to everyone -  HI GUYS WERE GOING OUT ON OUR RETREAT TODAY. YOU CAN’T COME! BYE NOW! (and a sidenote, most Asian students can’t go to the first APAM retreat, it is for mentors and mentees only.. I thought this was obvious, but apparently it isn’t.)  And our group of friends isn’t restricted to only Asians.  God no.  It becomes uncomfortable and awkward because people who AREN’T in APAM make it so.  Most people I talk to don’t have a problem with me going on the APAM retreat and do not make me feel guilty for going.  And apparently the people who talk to CJ do feel guilty.  I’m just going to put that out there.

To be fair, many of the people that defend these subsidies argue that the clubs benefit students academically. But don’t we already have the writing center for that? Ilan Wurman is a writing center tutor! Can students only learn from tutors that “look like them”? In that case, I had better avoid learning stats and macro from Indians….

I offered CJ Frank Wu’s Yellow, and indirectly wanted to show him why identity reaffirmation was so important, but he didn’t have time; which, with finals, is fair…  but I think the book also counters the CC’s argument.  I don’t want to summarize it because I wouldn’t do it justice.  Read the first chapter regarding Johnny Sokko here.  Basically, race exists and it matters.  Being color blind is being ignorant and basically creates a facade.

Moreover, the mandatory racial sensitivity training that every R.A. must complete before becoming an R.A. is an indication of how these diversity groups don’t just stay confined to dealing with student groups, but try to impose themselves on everyone else.

I didn’t even know that they had to diversity training, let alone know that I “imposed” it on them.

Which, invariably brings me to my point, I believe that Claremont McKenna should refuse to provide that information to these affinity groups, at least for the first few months of school. As we do with alcohol during dry week, we should have a “cool off” period where we let students settle into campus before they are inundated with calls to join APAM, OBSA, and CLSA. Let OBSA, CLSA, and APAM contend with every group on campus during the activities fairs. Let them recruit all students so that when they go on their retreats, it won’t just be the same color faces talking about issues that affect the “community.”

That’s cute and cuddly, but ultimately allows for more students to escape through the cracks.  I say we don’t allow the CI to publish for the first few months of school, that way I can form my identity as a liberal without conservative rhetoric pressuring me.  For an institution so adamant on free speech, and there might be some legal issues with “recruiting”  if that’s what you want to call it (I don’t see it as recruiting), it sure seems to love to suggest the restriction of free speech (my ability to talk to students, for example) to “benefit” society.  I mean if you want me to wait a week before I knock on their door, fine, but I don’t think  a week really affects whatever effect we supposedly have on their mentality identity and such. We “recruit” students to a lesser extent than other groups.  I remember when a message was on my Facebook wall in April/May of 2008 about the CI or CC.  I forget but I deleted it because I’m not conservative (ok to be honest, high school drama, social do’s and don’ts,  and mentality had much to do with how I approached facebook back then/why I deleted it, embarrassing I know).  I’m just going to put it out there that I didn’t join the Facebook group for the CMC class of 2013.

I’d like to point out that Tracy Kao is on that list.  That is all.

“But the gentleman very much misunderstands the success of the Cabrones and if he thinks that The Claremont Independent or Ilan is arguing against the Cabrones, he sorely misunderstands Ilan’s argument. The reason we celebrate the Cabrones is that they are an affinity based group that doesn’t use coercion or the school to advance their interests. No one who wants to attend their parties is hounded down before they come here. The school does not give them any data whatsoever on the percentages of the population that like to drink and listen to rap music”

We don’t use coercion, although we do use the school, but to a very minimalistic extent.  As a former debater, I just see this as an extension of the last arg, so just extend my arg from the previous quote down the flow.  Lazy and sloppy, I know, but I’ve been doing this on and off for the last 24 hours.  Also, I’m pretty sure Cabrones tries to spread word/post fliers/emails about their parties.   We don’t “hound people down”, we extend friendly gestures, geez.  It makes me sound like a maniacal and evil being who’s going to chase after poor and fearful freshman.  And to some point, they’re all 17, 18 years old and this happens in the real world.  I’d like to think I’m a jolly, friendly, and inspired tele-marketer/door to door salesmen with a very strange product for a very specific market. 

Oh, and while we’re at it, I’d love to be invited to any APAM, CLSA, or OBSA retreat or dinner. And as anyone knows after someone once called me “pudgy,” I don’t discriminate on the basis of food. I love it all.

All are welcome to many APAM events, and I’m sure you’re welcome to the second semester AdBoard retreat.  We’ll discuss our Asian culture, our identity, why things are this and that, and have good food.. mmm those banana coin things. DE-LI-CIOUS!

- Kevin

To address the issue of “Diversity”

Currently Listening to:  Empire of the Sun – Walking on a Dream

First of all, I’d like to thank Lauren Ohata for organizing the Ath dinner that allowed us to discuss issues regarding diversity.   Ultimately, what it boils down to (and this is an over generalization as much was discussed throughout the evening) is whether or not diversity groups based on race or ethnicity is detrimental to the well-being of the CMC community or the individuals who are excluded and included (I hesitate to use those words) in such groups.  First, as head mentor next year, I promise that I will try to make APAM as open, transparent, and inclusive as possible, but because of the nature of the program, it does have to be, at times, exclusive in the sense that people do need their privacy in discussing such issues and even if privacy is not an issue, comfort definitely is.

Charles Johnson, CMC ‘11 and fellow Milton Alum, posed a question to the likes of why APAM does not include Geographically Asian students, say Israeli or Russian students, in its mentee retreat, or to a broader extent, why it does not accept all students to its retreat.  I want to address that and more.

1) Culturally, the Russian and Israeli identities are very different from the East Asian or South Asian identity (which is also different, but hold many many similarities).  That is simple.  If our goal is identity reaffirmation, or pursuing a level of cultural comfort, we need to be able to express our culture naturally, which could be difficult when the culture could potentially be perceived as alien by fellow attendees. To restrict the group to those who can culturally identify as “Asian” means that fewer people will feel “uncomfortable” in discussing their “Asian” identity

2) It is impossible to escape race, ethnic identity, or cultural differences at CMC.  Many people, before coming to CMC, fail to recognize that they are “Asian”, probably because they grew up in a society where being “Asian” was a norm or the predominant culture (say in San Marino, Arcadia, Beijing, or Seoul).  That being said, coming to CMC, you are going to be more socially aware because of the people you interact with (this happened to me when I first went to Milton).  It could come when you study abroad, take a class on social identity or culture, and so on.  Many of the mentors in APAM this year did not “appreciate” their Asian American identity until their sophomore or junior year.  APAM was not why they recognized that identity, and they felt comfortable enough their freshman year to disassociate themselves with APAM without being ostracized or outcast by any group of people.  APAM will never force the “Asian American Identity” on any student, that perception is not realistic.

3) The purpose of diversity groups is not to be “color blind” and to praise diversity for the sake of diversity.  It is to increase awareness, both within and outside the community, ultimately in an effort to better fuse with the rest of society.  Ignoring diversity only makes it an ever growing elephant in the room, but to address is to deal with that issue in a peaceful and hopefully, cooperative manner. (I hope that makes sense)

-side note: an issue was raised to the effect of: whether or not addressing ethnic and cultural diversity was a “good” thing.  Compared to the alternative (which is not addressing at all) it is a very good thing.  You could also look at it as the lesser of two evils.  The CI’s alternative world is not one I would touch with a ten foot pole or one I would look forward to living in.

4) Race and perceptions of race matter.  Whether or not you like to admit it, the color of your skin, your sexual orientation, your religious beliefs and so on matter in the world.  It’s cool if you’re a quarter African American, but if you look Caucasian, you’re going to be treated as such.  If you look Asian, you’re going to be treated as such.  There is no escape from it.

5) APAM, and diversity groups in general, celebrate more than ethnic culture.  They celebrate individuality.  Part of what was said at APAM retreat was that each individual had a unique path that consisted of their Asian heritage and culture.  I was at the AdBoard retreat, and two individuals (both of whom are really cool, but I won’t name drop) said that individual identity is best described through these cultural matrices, formed by the intersections of gender, sexual orientation, race, socioeconomic status, religion and so on.  APAM addresses that one thing (race) in lieu of a greater personal identity, but still very much putting it perspective of that identity.  Mentors do not only address the “Asian” part of a mentee, they address a whole slew of issues that deal with an individual, not an Asian.

6) APAM is primarily a social club.  I mean we mostly have fun and we make friends.  The mentoring comes in one on one instances and mentees could definitely help mentors.  That is the nature of friendship.

I will try to be as inclusive as possible, but I am not willing to sacrifice an individual’s comfort and cultural identity to do so.

- Kevin

To criticize Epik High.

Currently Listening to: Atmosphere – Puppets

What a weekend.. It was great to catch up with Leo and Chris and hang out for a bit.  See you all in a couple weeks/months.

Friday, I got some pretty cool news from FM, and I’m kind of working on a new project involving Epik High and FM.  It sounds important, but it really isn’t super important.  It will probably lead to something important, but what I’m working on, not so much… I’m just an intern.

So I got around to listening to the new Epik High album, Map the Soul and it’s pretty good.  There aren’t any tracks that are exceptionally mind blowing, but that doesn’t mean it’s not good.  It’s nice to see them do stuff in English; if any group could make it across the Pacific, it should be Epik High and Utada, and not BoA and Se7en.

One track caught my attention though; it isn’t even a song but a skit: Customer Service, was a play off language barriers between an obvious Chinese/Chinese American person and the Epik High guys (who are Korean, but I think two of them speak very fluent English).  Listen to it here.

It begs the question that’s been posed before here, addressed by Yan of 8Asians and my friend Irene, who writes in her blog, little ideas/braveandkind.  This is an obvious play off Russell Peters and, in my belief, plays off an ignorant portrayal of Chinese that I consider pretty offensive.  I’m not so much pissed off at most of their responses because artists do these kind of skits all the time, but their use of an obvious language barrier, and the portrayal of that man.

Irene showed me this post on racialicious, which criticizes Russell Peters for stepping over the.. well I guess it should be called the racial sensitivity line.  It claims that the jokes lack a punchline become inappropriate and inadequate blows at certain behavior and stereotypes of a certain group of people.

I think this crosses the line.  There was no punchline, and the joke is the man on the other side of the phone, which represents the rest of the Chinese American community.  It reaffirms two beliefs for me.  That a) the line is ridiculously gray and is dependent upon very vague and unspecific guidelines of both race and humor and b) that the term Asian American is way too broad.  AngryAsianMan’s most recent Angry reader of the week is Tanzila Ahmed, and she criticizes those “Folks doing APIA work that doesn’t include South Asian or Pacific Islander groups, but still [claim] that they are pan-APIA.”  I don’t make that claim, but I should and am going to start to be more aware (the first step was to visit her community blog Sepia Mutiny).

My friend Chris, who visited Japan last summer, told me a story where in Japan, when they go to the K-town of Tokyo and there is a blatant and intrinsic dehumanizing and hatred towards Koreans… Apparently all Korean cooks/restaurant owners/waiters are “Mr. Kim” in Japan.

So should we start independent struggles and fights for social justice? No.  But there should be a greater awareness of the cultural differences between the sub categories of “Asian American.”  Does that mean I hate Epik High or, like Tommy Brothers, think that they are “racist?” No, they have great music, and the average citizen of the world could care less and would probably scoff at this post, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t wrong.

- Kevin

To just recollect.

Currently Listening to: Blue Scholars – North by Northwest

I’m having a crisis with my morals, identity, and values right now.  It’s sort of troubling and I feel sort of small as a result of it.  It came pretty suddenly because I realized how out of tune I am with certain issues, and how I sort of see things without really looking at them in depth.  Suddenly I feel really self conscious.  It’s the first time in a long time, maybe ever, that I’ve ever felt that I’m flirting with a moral gray line.

It comes from Irene and how I interpreted the Tommy Brothers incident, coupling it with Russell Peters.  Read about it here. I started to ask whether or not I was aware enough of my surroundings, and of how I interpret things in every day life. I pick up racist/sexist/homophobic/class-ist things but I’m starting to think my filter has holes in it. It’s coupled with the following, and just how I’m dealing with perhaps a gender/moral gray line.

Again, I have to source back to 8Asians.com, which is a great blog with a lot of views and opinions.  Here’s the post. It was about ISA and how there isn’t enough female representation at ISA.  My contention is that ISA represents a huge stepping stone for the APA entertainment community, and to just jump in as a random artist, simply because you’re female, does more harm than good.  FM/WF have worked for years and put in a lot of effort to be where they are, to sell out that concert…  isn’t it unfair to just prop up a woman next to them because she’s a woman?  Shouldn’t she have to work as hard as they have to be with a crowd that obviously went to see them and those that have worked with them?  To be fair, my diction might not adequately reflect that idea.  But is this  idea wrong?  I mean is that thought, for the lack of a better word, bad?  I’m starting to think that I’m overstepping boundaries I’ve promised never to cross and that I’m doing and saying things that I believe in but could be morally and socially wrong.

The thing I hate about bipartisan politics is that they split groups into two entities.  Like, I am a bit more conservative economically than the average Democrat.

And I am not so into Affirmative Action as most liberals are.  I guess it traces to the way I was raised … the Chinese American/Asian American/Asian Confucian ideology of meritocracy.  I understand the benefits of Affirmative Action, but I don’t like what it entails;  I don’t like the fact that I, or you, have to be given a spot and that I might not have deserved it and that someone better suited might not get that position because I am Asian and he isn’t.  I don’t like that I am playing on an uneven field.  I don’t like that people can blame it on Affirmative Action when I did deserve that position.  It is mine because I EARNED it and not because of the color of my skin or my gender (err. yours).

The best mentor/nicest person in the world, Hanna, just showed me something by slam poet Beau Sia.  Here’s a couple clips of his, but watch the first one, cause it kind of fits into what I’m talking about.

Oh yeah, here’s a FEMALE.. Ishle Park, doing her thing because, yes she’s talented, but she’s also worked to get to, oh hey, the same show that Beau Sia was on. (I remain adamant in my beliefs, I just don’t know if that belief is inherently wrong. I’m going to stick with it, but if I’m sexist because of it… well that’s what I’m struggling with.)

- Kevin

To watch Kings.

Currently Listening to: The Cool Kids – Bassment Party

I realized that I compact a lot of information into a post when I should make multiple posts, but it’s just too much of a hassle so I don’t.

To start, there’s this really good post about why Mark Zuckerberg is doing the things he’s doing to Facebook.  Check it out here, and told be honest… I’m sold.  I don’t like the new Facebook, but I understand why it is what it is.  To be frank, if you don’t like the product, stop using it.

To get on point, one of the prized Sunday night slots on NBC is now filled by the retelling of the story of King David into a new drama, Kings.  There are a bunch of pretty people who do this and that replicating David’s rise to become the head of the Kingdom of Gilboa/Israel (Gilboa was where King Saul died and the name of the Kingdom in the show… Saul is now Silas).  The whole cast is there.. Michal, Samuel, David, Saul… etc. etc coupled with modern politican drama/conspiracy (like a corporation controlling politics from the shadow, potential patricide and so on)  I think its really good and everyone should go check it out.  It’s replacing my “BSG” time slot over the weekend.

BTW.  I just realized that BSG aired on fridays, just goes to show, nerds and geeks don’t go out on a friday night (I usually watch it on sunday night, assholes.)  Still, there are a lot of people who aren’t into sci-fi that watched it.  It really was a true success.

Last but not least, I had another post about Joe Jonas chinky eye incident, and how Disney had to step its game up, but I decided not to post about it because I’m just sick of giving Miley and the Jonas Brothers so much time and space on my blog.

- Kevin

To watch some RideBack.

Currently Listening to: Ne-Yo – Part of the List

Okay. I have a lot of things to post about.  First, congrats to Quest Crew for winning ABDC.  The APA community really steps it up on that show.

Two. I have to start watching what I post.  Even though my posts aren’t super incindiary, something of this effect could happen.  I mean seriously… are any of my administrators/employers reading this?  Save maybe Dean Marana, but I haven’t bad mouthed CMC. yet.

Three.  March Madness is here/coming.  Get pumped.  My early pick is Conn to win it all.  You heard it here.. well probably not first, but you heard it here.

Four.  Kyle/David banned at Pomona situation has been resolved, they are now able to return to any Pomona facility.  10 bucks says they go to Frary for some dinner tonight.

Five.  I haven’t written about Anime in awhile… and I just watched about 5 episodes of Ride Back to catch up.  It is really a great manga/anime.  I thought no one could out do manglobe this season with Michiko to Hatchin, but RideBack does.  It has everything, mecha, some fanservice (kind of), great story, the cool guy everyone wants, action, I mean. It’s good.  Better than Gundam 00.  I think I’m growing out of it because it’s just so… exaggerated… and overdone.  The characters are beyond melodramatic in that thing.

Oh yeah. Did I tell you guys that ISA tickets are sold out?  I’m seriously considering going up… but Kevnish already announced that there will be another SoCal ISA in August.  Maybe I’ll just wait for that one.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER TONIGHT. GET PUMPED.  IT’S GOING TO BE LEGENDARY.

- Kevin

To share Dr. Kim’s response.

Currently Listening to: Chris Holmes – China

Listening to some of the old OC stuff makes me really miss the OC.  OMGOMGOMGOMGSETHANDSUMMER! yeah ok.

Yes. I watched the OC.  quit judging me. GOD.

I seemingly missed the step between the news on the e-mail post to the apology by Mr. Brothers.  The letter can be found here.

I love linking, so I’m going to bombard you guys with this. You ready?

Yan from 8asians.com just responded to my comment about my post here, which was partially a response to this.

Okay, so I was going to praise Dr. Kim for a very nice response to the whole incident.  It sort of plays it down, but also addresses the seriousness of the entire situation to a handful of individuals (me being one of the few) who took it seriously.  But then it makes me look obsessed with the whole incident when it isn’t even remotely as big as say.. Miley Cyrus or something (which isn’t big in the first place).  BUT! Yan’s comment about Brother’s racism, or lack thereof, brings up this idea of internalized/subconscious racism.  I think a good starting point is just this, right?  That’s the supposed way an inherently racist person plays off not being racist.  I mean racism is generally accepted as wrong within the greater American community, but in privacy, with people who are of your own race or sex or sexual orientation or something, you play off a joke that is seemingly “racist”, “sexist”, or “homophobic.” Like I know I’ve heard my share on my parents’ thoughts of Hispanic, Caucasian, and African Americans… or my friends using the word “gay” in a joking way.  My apathy behind correcting them is for two reasons, 1) because they’re not racist/sexist/homophobic and 2) it takes too much time to argue such a minute point.  So why do we do it?  I honestly can’t say.  I guess it’s something that we’re just used to as a society, and it allows us accentuate our cultural identities by otherizing another group… right?  Plus, if we are to praise our own values, what better way to emphasize it than say… make another group look bad so there is that unique dichotomy of good/bad or right/wrong.  Sometimes, steroetypes are just funny.  Look at Jo Koy, Dave Chappelle, Russell Peters, or Daniel Tosh.  I mean they are funny guys and they play off racial jokes.  In the case of Tommy Brothers, it’s just be a poorly written joke.

So. Is Tommy Brothers racist?   The more I think about it, the less “racist” he becomes. I mean I was infuriated at first, because it WASN’T funny.  But when Russell Peters did THIRTY FOUR FIFTY, I laughed and just ignored it, when you could potentially construe it as “racist”.  The intention of the letter was to be funny, but it wasn’t so I didn’t laugh, so I had to draw the conclusion that it was racist.  Is he subconsciously racist?  If I laugh at Russel Peters’ jokes… am I?  Where do we draw the line for racism/social insensitivity?

- Kevin

EDIT – READ THE COMMENTS.  they help explain what I mean.

To be @#$% pissed off.

Currently Listening to: 周杰倫(Jay Chou) – 我不配(I’m Not Worthy)

Today was a busy day.  I started off by attending class and doing the same ol’, but at around 5:45 I left for Cal Poly Pomona for Rock the Runway, meeting with Kevnish, Prohgress,J-Splif, and DJ Virman who rocked the show with an amazing performance.  Props to them.  And it was great to work with Jane and Brian, both of them are amazing people!  All six of them probably won’t read this, but what the hey.

Afterwards, I rushed back to head to APAM bowling, where I hung out with like 40 kids!  It was a really great turnout and I had a lot of fun, props to Chrysanthia for getting it organized, Brian for doing all that work at the alley, and to those who got food (Chrysanthia, Stefanie, and someone else).  Thanks guys for your hard work!  It was nice to meet new people (HOW HAVE I NOT MET EVERY API PERSON AT CMC?!!?)  and just hang out with truly great people and friends.

But yes.  I AM STRESSED AND PISSED OFF.  EXAMS. PAPERS. ALL THIS RUSH BEFORE SPRING BREAK HAGLKALEJFAKEJFLASKJFLAKJELFKAJ:!

OH! LOL! and there’s THIS THING.

This is taken from the post above on AngryAsianMan/the link below from IVYGATE

Date: March 3, 2009 11:06:39 AM EST
To: GOOD-MORNING@LISTSERV.DARTMOUTH.EDU
Subject: Good Morning
This is the Generic Good Morning Message for March 3, 2009.

Yesterday came the announcement that President of the College James Wright will be replaced by Chinaman Kim Jim Yong. And a little bit of me died inside.

It was a complete supplies.

On July 1, yet another hard-working American’s job will be taken by an immigrant willing to work in substandard conditions at near-subsistent wage, saving half his money and sending the rest home to his village in the form of traveler’s checks. Unless “Jim Yong Kim” means “I love Freedom” in Chinese, I don’t want anything to do with him. Dartmouth is America, not Panda Garden Rice Village Restaurant.

Y’all get ready for an Asianification under the guise of diversity under the actual Malaysian-invasion leadership instituted under the guise of diversity. It’s a slippery slope we are on. I for one want Democracy and apple pie, not Charlie Chan and the Curse of the Dragon Queen. I know I sure as shit won’t ever be eating my Hop dubs bubs with chopsticks. I like to use my own two American hands.

Apparently it was a joke, hashing out at newly appointed President of  the College Kim Jim Yong, the first president of an Ivy League school.  Ummm. WTF?!  How is this even remotely funny?  It is racist beyond racist.  I read about 10 words and just internally exploded.  By the way, who sends email to the entire community using blatant profanity?  You’re supposedly a daily news letter.  Next time, you mind as well go all out.

Dear Student Body,

Today will be a fucking great day, we will talk about why minorities suck and play off stereotypes but then just laugh and be like, “DOOD IT WAS A JOKE.”  No one will be offended, people won’t take it too heart, and everyone will see it as a joke.  Tomorrow is socioeconomic insensitivity day.  If you’re rich, throw your dolla dolla bills this a way and that a way, and then laugh at those who don’t have money by pointing and laughing at them when they’re working to pay for their education but then just pat them on the back after their shift is over and be like.  LOL JK!.  Next week is homophobia week, events to come, but it involves a Katy Perry concert, where all she sings is “Ur So Gay” over and over and over again! I LOVE THAT SONG!!! GO KATY PERRY!, oh yeah, and a school wide challenge to see who can out the most people in a weekend.  It’s okay though, cause its all in good fun.  WHYSOSRS?! + GOOD MORNING!

LOL’S. I SURE AS SHIT THINK THIS IS A GREAT IDEA!

-LOZAR “THE LOSER WHO IS SECRETLY RACIST BUT LOL ISN’T CAUSE IT’S A JOKE/MY PSEUDONYM IS A JOKE” THEOFILACTIDIS

to partially restore my faith in the school (you accepted the bastard), there was a good response from the Pan Asian Council at Dartmouth.  Fromy IVYGATE

Date: 04 Mar 2009 01:25:38 -0500
From: Pan Asian Council
Subject: Update on GGMM incident

Hello everyone,

Tonight the PAC interns and Elaine met with Sylvia Spears, Molly Bode, and representatives from the Inter-Community Council, Diversity Peer Advisor interns, and a member of General Good Morning Message (not the writer) to discuss the blitz that was sent out this morning.

As you now know, a blitz intended to be satirical and humorous was executed in poor taste and offended many people in our community, as well as in the entire campus. It has been made clear that no one on any level thinks what happened this morning was in any way acceptable, GGMM writers included. All 7 writers of the GGMM realize the gravity of the statements made in the blitz, regardless of intent, and are taking internal measures towards a resolution. The blitz from this morning will no longer be circulated.

Immediate updates:
- Tomorrow, the author and the members of GGMM will send out a campus-wide blitz apologizing to the Asian & Asian-American community, as well as Dartmouth as a whole, acknowledging not only the lack of oversight on GGMM’s part, but also the deeply offensive nature of the blitz’s contents.

-The author will be utilizing OPAL’s resources to address underlying and perhaps subconscious biases that led to the blitz being composed and sent out.

-Upper level members of the Administration will be meeting tomorrow morning to assess the situation. This issue is being taken very serious. More information to come after President Wright and administrators meet.

In the near future:
-Students will collaborate to organize a reception for President-Elect Kim. We hope to demonstrate to Dr. Kim that all of campus is very excited for his arrival.

-The author will compose a formal apology to President-Elect Kim. [sic]

Additionally, the PAC Interns will be working with Nora and Elaine to address the impact of this blitz within our community. Please feel free to contact any of the PAC interns, Elaine, Nora, or any other OPAL staff if you are upset and/or have any concern. The Diversity Peer Advisors are also a great resource. They’re student peers who are trained to talk about diversity issues like this. Blitz DPA if you’d
like to set up a meeting with a peer advisor.

Please pass this information on to your membership and let us know of any questions or concerns.

Thank you for your concern and patience during this time. It’s been a long day for many of us and all of us at PAC appreciate how students have risen to address this situation.

Have a good night. We will keep you posted.

The PAC Interns
Aimee, Ava & Erin
Office of Pluralism and Leadership

And finally, the IVYGATE link here.  Props to the student body for taking such a decisive stand against such an action.  The comments are, on balance, very assertive.  Still, this guy deserves some sort of punishment, and not just some letter apologizing to Dr. Kim.  It is INFURIATING that he is getting off so easy.

Talk about ruining a day.  Woosah… woosah… woosah…